Aldrich at 20. Clarity. Peace. Serenity.
Posted at 10:10 PM
Well, this past week was just plain hell. I mean all the sh*t I had to put up with just to keep up with my acads. But this post isn't about what happened, and believe me when I tell you that I have no intention of blogging about it.So anyway, this post started too negatively. haha This is going to be my traditional new-layout-so-I-have-to-explain-why-I-chose-this-particular-theme post, the much delayed post.So anyway, if you've been following my blog ever since its first appearance this side of the web two christmases ago, then you would have noticed that I have already had 4 previous layouts and this is the fifth.
Reflections V1.0 Flying Without Wings
This was the dominantly orange one, quite safe if you ask me because orange/yellow is one of the easiest colors to play with in photoshop. So anyway, it was my first crack at constructing a layout for a blog so... haha it was a good first attempt!
Reflections V2.0 Spring Sonata
Well, this one was a tad more complicated. haha to start of it was green, so it was more complicated especially since not all varieties of green are pleasing to the eye. Anyway, I liked this one, it was lively. (^_^)
Reflections V3.0 Waterworks
This one was to celebrate the coming of the rainy season i think a year ago. haha It was dark blue bordering on grey which is pretty much what rain is... di ba? haha Anyway, this was kinda depressing, but hey, i love the rain.
Reflections V4.0 Free Spirit
This has got to be the best layout so far, even including the current layout that I have. It was a combination of various shades of lavender (o di ba, di man lang violet, kailangan sosyal kaya lavender.) as well as some highlights of yellow and grey. It was my first time to experiment with I-frames in tabulas, which is hell by the way. So anyway, it was glittery, with a lot of swirls and swooshes.. haha can I just say, sa glittery pa lang, benta na sa akin. haha
And the current layout: Reflections V5.0 Self Portrait
Well, some people have already commented that this was less impressive than the previous layout. The only thing I can say about it is that given the long list of tasks i had to do over the past few weeks, I'm glad I was even able to update this blog's layout in the first place. So anyway, it was initially intended to be dominantly purple and light red but then that didn't turn out really well, so I changed the shades to blue, which is in a way, more pleasing to the eye.
Given that I already had an excellent layout, why then did I give myself the additional task of laboring over creating a new one? Simple - I wanted to celebrate my 20th year of being here on Earth through this layout. haha It was kinda a gift to myself - one of the few gifts I wanted to give myself this year. So anyway, as you will see, pictures of myself are here, there's one on the left side of this blog if you did'nt notice and one on top, if you just look closely. haha Well, the reason behind this is that a new friend of mine noticed that I did not have any pictures whatsoever, so it pretty much was like an anonymous blog. Others were also commenting that it was not really personalized. So I asked myself, Why not? Nothing screams "personalized" louder than a big picture of me watermarked on the top and one on the side just in case you miss it. haha Kumbaga, wala kang takas. haha So anyway, i do hope you like it. I know I do. Well, I may be biased.. since I made it. haha But seriously, I like it, I wouldn't have used it as this blog's layout if I didn't. And its definitely here to stay.. probably until christmas or the new years. I plan to have a sparkly yellow-themed layout by then. But no promises.. haha this layout was intended to be dominantly red.. but see what happened. haha so there.
Aldrich being Twenty
Well, nothing breaks one into the reality of adulthood more than the big 2-0. I have been a teen for so long, that I can't even clearly remember what it really felt like before it. When it comes to turning twenty, people handle it diferently. haha Some cant let go of there teen-hood.. creating terms like "twen-teen".. haha I mean, its just another birthday - just another year of your existence on Earth. To be honest, I'm glad that its over. haha It was just so awkward. I mean, testing one's boundaries, experiencing new things, the insecurities, learning new things, constantly reaching limits and raising the bar. But I'm not saying I'm sorry it ever happened - quite the reverse actually. The past seven years has been a rollercoaster of a ride, sobra. I experienced a lot of things - both the good and the bad. I'm thankful for the memories, especially the bad ones, the ones that left me hopeless - the knee-grappling, paralyzing, traumatizing experiences. Quite ironic isn't it, I mean of all the memories that I am trying to recall as I reminisce while typing this entry, its the negative ones that come back to me. I guess its those times that truly provide happiness - because its that feeling of being down, of feeling so low that people can appreciate the good things in life. It is only through the "lows" in our lives that we get to appreciate, be happy and thankful for the "highs". It is through these paralyzing experiences that one realizes how stronger a person becomes after. Truly, what does not kill you only makes you stronger.
When I was roughly ten or so, something happened to me. And I never really shared this with anyone. So, asa ka pa na dito ko siya ikukuwento. haha But after that moment, I promised myself that it would never happen to me again.(Now, dont jump to conclusions, dont even ask me in person, just enjoy your ignorance haha.) Looking at my life right now, in a way I succeeded, what happened more or less a decade ago has no chance of happening now. Yet, if a ten-year old version of me was present now, he'll hardly recognize me. I guess I changed, changed a lot actually. Although a lot of people may not realize, the Aldrich today is a redefined, revolutionized version and will continually and constantly be updated as well. Naks, parang software. haha I guess what I'm saying is that there are parts of me that I lost along the way, good ones even, that I had to let go because of things that I experienced, the relationships that I had, the people who came and went, and the people who came and stayed in my life. Well thats life. As we grow up, its impossible not to get bruises along the way. Ika nga ni Sir Sevilla (although hindi ko siya naging teacher), were all just broken people. But more importantly, the highlight is how we learn from them. I guess thats how I learned, I just dealt with everything that happened, the way that I knew how. Because thats what people do, they deal - regardless of whatever happens to them. Ikaw, isipin mo - are you the same ten-year old you were back then? Uy, aminin... haha pero if you really feel that you can say yes, kawawa ka naman. seriously.In the end, I may not be proud of the mistakes I made or the people I've hurt, I'm proud of how I dealt, of how I handled my life and how it reached this point. (siyempre, may bias yan. haha)
I was walking sa school kanina at 5:45 am - the area near Meron Pond, the pond near the Soc Sci Building. I was looking at the pond, the plants, the trees, the rising sun, and even Manong Guard na sobrang busy makipagchismisan with the guard from the other building. And then it occured to me, for the first time I was looking at the Ateneo from a different perspective. And at that time, naisip ko: "Ang taray ni God!" haha not "taray" as in bitchy but "taray" as in oh-my-golly-wow-overwhelming. Ang taray niya. He was so much into detail when he created the world. Actually, although I may not be religious, there are some ground rules that i believe in, and the fact that there is a God and he created the world is one of them. So anyway, I was overwhelmed kanina. Consider this: I had two major requirements for today and for five whole minutes, I was silent. Trust me, minsan lang mangyari yan. Sa kadami-dami ng nangyayari sa mundo, sa kadami ng detalye - ganon kagaling ang Diyos. haha OMG, this is sounding more and more like a theology lecture. This was not the way I wanted to proceed. Anyway, its just that I have been on this Earth for 20 years! For me, that was reason enough to at least take a step back and look at whats around. Pero after, siyempre, back to reality... tsk tsk.
Yet, being twenty is like being on a threshold - of being almost there. In a few months, I'll be done with school and I'll be off to a new chapter of my life. Yes, that scares the sh*t out of me and yet it excites me as well. Though it may not seem like it, I like change - i may complain and banter a lot, but in the end, I enjoy changes - just as much as I enjoy stability. Doesn't make sense? I know. I mean, A few months back, before my birthday, I was already preparing myself for the things that I have to do, the possible consequences and scenarios. I even tried to prepare myself for worst-case scenarios (although I can't really tell what they really are. haha) . And all I can say is that whatever happens, come what may and given that I don't die in the process, I'll just end up a stronger person. Theres just so much that I have and want to do, I just pray I get to do so.
One of my favorite quotes of all time (na pinagtawanan ni Lance Co ilang beses tsk tsk) is this:
The two most important days of your life:
1. The day that you were born
2. The day that you know why
In the end, it can all boil down to this. Aldrich was born 20 years ago. And he hopes that he lives long enough to know why. Its as simple as that.
If you've read until this point, grabe, ang haba ng attention span mo ha! haha Anyway, that's all for today. Try to look-out for my "Aldrich and Turning Twenty One" post next year.. I'm sure it will be more daring. haha Promise. Pero as of now, here's to clarity. peace. serenity.
~> Aldrich
PS
This is a message for a special someone. If its you, you'd know right away. Promise.
When I recieved your gift, I wasn't really expecting that much. After all, I've had loads of that given to me before. Yet, given the fact that you know most of what is currenty happening to me, you have to know that it was what I really needed. Seryoso. Its worth more than money could buy, especially in a world, according to an old friend of mine, where everything tangible has a price tag. You know, lots of people find it difficult to buy me gifts. haha Pero what you gave me, simple as it may be, was not only what I needed, but what I wanted. I mean, your gift touched me and to think I only know you for like a year pa lang yata. I'm glad I did. I really am.
Imagine me holdin a glass of ice-cold water (my favorite drink) and proposing a toast - Here's to more experiences together. Maraming Salamat. Whether we solve the problems of the world or not, just because I've got a friend like you to laugh with, everything feels like its going to be A-ok.
